Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
