The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
