dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
