You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
