Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
