Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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