is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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