She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
