why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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