i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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