ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
