i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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