I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
