i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
