i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
