WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
