oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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