Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
