I am in a vortex of obligation.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
