pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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