i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
