Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
