I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
