I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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