ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found puke in my bra..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
