Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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