People in love make me want to vomit
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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