Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
