You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
