i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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