how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
