They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
