Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
