are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
