If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
