she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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