I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
