I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
