I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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