i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
