i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
