he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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