running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
