Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
