I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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