Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
