one two three fourrrrnication!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
