I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
