i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
