Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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