i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he's single and there are thong briefs.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
