I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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