Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
