well you can't waste a boner
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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