forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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